


Dark Chocolate

by orphan_account



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future Fish, Angst, Hurt, M/M, NO COMFORT AT ALL, bits of fluff that'll just make everything hurt more, just hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-02-09
Packaged: 2018-05-19 11:36:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5965978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>You read the tags right?? You sure you want to read this?? Okay, well you've been warned.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Dark Chocolate

**Author's Note:**

> You read the tags right?? You sure you want to read this?? Okay, well you've been warned.

            Pitter patter pitter patter. It won’t stop raining in his head.

            He could feel the raindrops colliding with the surface of his brain, seeping deep into the sulci and streaming down like rivers until they reach the dead ends of the wrinkled maze. Trapped, the water gathered until it flooded, escaping the valleys and spilling over the gyri and into the pits of his skull. Higher and higher the puddle rose. His brain immersed in the acidic rain that burned through his tissue, reaching the depths of his mind. It swirled and swirled around his thoughts and it was suffocating. The darkness was empty, but he was drowning.

            Makoto woke with a slight startle. His phone was ringing on the coffee table. He sat his limp body up from the couch and rubbed his eyes while simultaneously reaching for his phone. He gave a thick swallow and frowned as he tried to get himself to fully wake up.

            “Hello?”

            “Makoto,” Haru said.

            “Mm. I just woke up.”

            The line was silent but Makoto could hear the gears of Haru’s brain working up the courage to say something, so he waited. He used the time to rub his eyes again and tried to recall how many rings had passed before he had actually picked up. If it had gone past three, Haru would be on his way here, but considering how his voice didn’t sound hurried, Makoto must have woken up in time.

            “It’s raining,” the other finally said.

            Makoto’s shoulders stayed limp as he heard the words. He turned towards the closest window. The curtains were closed, but they were transparent enough to see the tear-stained window.

            “Mm.”

            “…You have the day off today right? Do you need me to come over?”

            Makoto lowered his lashes and looked down to the thin blanket still laid over his legs. His fingers brushed over the sloppy sewn patch of the different fabric, remembering the time it was first threaded in because he’d accidentally ripped it. There was still a small splotch of his blood in the corner from the time he tried to sew it. Sousuke had laughed as he watched, teased him to no end, but then reached out and kissed his pricked finger. He winked at him playfully before taking the blanket and needle to show off his not much better sewing skills.

            “No, its fine.”

            “Okay, but you’re still coming to the dinner tonight, right…? Everyone will be there.”

_Wrong_ _._

            Makoto shut his eyes and exhaled from his nose. “Yeah, I promised didn’t I?” he smiled into his voice. Haru’s silence told him that his façade failed. He swallowed his morning saliva down and didn’t try to smile this time. “I promise I will, Haru.”

            “Okay. I’ll pick you up at six o’clock.”

            “Mm. Thanks, Haru.”

            “…Mm.”

            When Haru hung up, Makoto let his hand drop from his ear and into his lap. He tilted his head back onto the couch and allowed the cushions to absorb his body. Once more, he closed his eyes and sighed tiredly before staring up at the bare ceiling. There was a cluster of specs shaped like a star that his eyes immediately drew to. His hand twitched as his limp arm almost went up out of habit to reach for it.

            Makoto remembered how there were nights he was homesick; how he missed his parents, his siblings, the salty sea scent of Iwatobi, and the vast starry night sky. Sousuke would find him gazing at the Tokyo night sky in disappointment. He’d join him from behind and wrap his arms around him then kiss his neck. Makoto would look back and try to hide his misery with a smile. It’d make Sousuke frown for a moment before he lifted Makoto off his feet and carried him to the couch. Makoto would panic momentarily before laughing in absolute glee by being in the comfort of those beautifully strong arms. They’d sit together and Sousuke would tell him they already have so many stars on their ceiling. And that threw Makoto into another fit of laughter because that was the same day Makoto had tried to make breakfast which ended up with more food on the ceiling than in their stomachs.

            Pitter patter pitter patter. The rain poured harder against his windows.

            Makoto forced himself up from the couch, unwrapping himself from the warmth of his thin blanket. He walked past the closed door without giving it a glance and made his way to the bathroom door beside it. He didn’t bother to turn on the lights or close the door, just started brushing his teeth without ever looking up at the mirror in front of him.

            After he had finished, he dragged his feet to the kitchen and made himself some breakfast—the effortless kind. Makoto poured the fruity cereal into his bowl then carefully added the remainder of the milk he had left. He walked back to the couch and stared at the black screen of the television. He let the sounds of his crunching blur the outside rain as he thought of nothing. Makoto liked it that way. He had never found comfort in silence as his mind was always filled with worries and thoughts of his family, his friends, and sometimes himself. But his mind was quiet now and he didn’t hate it at all. The numbness it gave him was falsely soothing.

            His spoon clinked against his ceramic bowl as he no longer felt like eating after just two bites. He placed his bowl onto the coffee table and watched as the milk swayed from edge to edge with the fruity cereal moving along. It reminded him of waves, swishing back and forth, back and forth. Makoto blinked a few times, feeling sleepy again. He placed his forearm over his eyes, feeling a throbbing in his head.

            Pitter patter pitter patter. The rain was making his head ache.

            Makoto got up quickly to put his bowl in the sink, but dizziness started to hit him. His brows scrunched tightly together and he shook his head as he slowly made his way to the kitchen. Entering the cold tiles of the kitchen floor sent shivers up his legs and made his toes curl in reaction. He should have worn socks; no, he couldn’t have. The last of pair from the pack Haru bought for him was already in the laundry basket waiting to be washed. Makoto placed his hands on the marbled kitchen counter trying to take deep breaths. Seven pairs of socks, one for each day of the week and so on, but only if he kept washing. Yesterday was day seven. He didn’t feel like doing laundry, or anything. It was cloudy yesterday.

            His mind felt hazy and the swirling in his head made him regret ever getting up. He contemplated going back to sleep as he turned toward the clock on the wall in the living room. It was only 12:30. He had plenty of time before Haru would come. Makoto walked wobbly back to the couch, then lied down and covered himself with his blanket again.

            It was quiet.

            The rain continued to pitter patter against glass while the winds whispered their ghostly howls. His refrigerator hummed monotonically and the heat ventilation whirred on every ten minutes. He had counted the seconds five months ago.

            It was too quiet.

            Makoto closed his eyes, hoping the sickness in his head would subside if he just slept. Days like these he wished… His lips opened to speak but he closed them tightly soon after, realizing he still wasn’t ready to say it again aloud--those syllables that had always rolled off his tongue so effortlessly. Those letters that always made those beautiful sea colored eyes turn toward him. If he said it now, he knew there would be no answer, no teal eyes to look back at him.

            He crunched closer to himself as his body shivered under his thin blanket. The heat vent was on, but he wasn’t feeling any warmer, if anything, colder.  He knew it was on because of the months spent counting the seconds between the whirring noises had conditioned him. Makoto slid his arms over himself until his hands hugged his forearms. It wasn’t the same. It wasn’t the same as having another pair of arms wrapped around him. It wasn’t the same at all.

            Makoto swallowed, tasting the fruity cereal and milk that still lied thickly on his tongue. He could feel his stomach ache, twisting in knots yet feeling empty. The taste was strong and overwhelming; it was sweet. It made him want to vomit. Suddenly, Makoto was up and running hurriedly to the bathroom. But his legs couldn’t carry him far enough as he was only able to hold the door knob before feeling the rush from the pit of his stomach reaching his throat and hurling out his breakfast and last night’s dinner of instant ramen. He coughed at the disgusting aftertaste of acid and the rawness of his throat. His eyes watered from the forced regurgitation, but he didn’t feel much, only numb. Always just numb.

            Makoto wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his thermal, not caring for leaving a stain. He turned the knob of the door to grab cleaning supplies and it wasn’t until then he realized it wasn’t the door to the bathroom, but the bedroom. He froze.

            Pitter patter pitter patter. The rain drops continued to dance mockingly to his memories flashing through his mind: cuddling, laughter, driving, bright headlights, rain.

            It’s been 406 days since he last opened the door. Makoto began to tremble as he stared inside the small gap of the door. He swallowed not sure if the feeling of terror was seeping into his nerves or if he was going to vomit again. Without realizing it, his hand pushed the door wider and his legs walked forward until he stood in the center of the room. Everything still looked the same as that night—the night where they had just finished showering kisses over each other’s bodies and lied tangled in each other. Makoto’s head was nuzzling at the crook of Sousuke’s neck, making the latter want to sleep to the soft brown hair brushing against his skin. But Makoto kept him awake with his grumbling stomach and chatter about food. He had just gotten home from the firehouse and was too tired to eat then, but he wasn’t now that they had done some healthy loving exercise, Makoto liked to call it. It always made Sousuke laugh.

            He moved closer to the bed, seeing a piece of clothing that had been thrown sloppily. Makoto knelt down and padded his fingertips to the familiar cotton fabric. He slid his fingers up and down the wrinkles until he had the courage to hold it close to his chest.

            _“C’mon, Sousuke. I’ve wanted to go to that new pastry shop that opened a few blocks down for a while now, but I’ve been too busy with work. I promise you’ll like it! Whenever I pass by the window, it’s like heaven. Their cakes look so good.” Sousuke could practically hear Makoto drooling._

_“It’s raining right now, Mako. Don’t we both have the day off tomorrow? We can get some then,” Sousuke grumbled sleepily into the other’s brown hair. He tightened his arms around Makoto’s waist pulling him so the warmth of their skin pressed against each other. “Plus, I’m really comfortable right now.”_

_Makoto chuckled. “Please~” he begged in that unfairly cute voice, making the other sigh._

_“Is it even open right now?”_

_“Well on the weekdays, it’s open from 7:00 am to 8:30 pm. But today’s Saturday, so it opens from 8:00 am to 10:00 pm.” Makoto shifted away from Sousuke to reach for his phone behind him on their bedside drawer. “And it’s…9:08.” Makoto smiled triumphantly with a tilt._

_“I can’t believe you memorized the hours,” Sousuke leaned back to look at him incredulously._

_“It’s for times like these,” Makoto smiled cheekily._

_Sousuke contemplated as he looked at the green eyes staring pleadingly at him. Makoto pouted, pursing his lips in that heart throbbing way he magically did whenever Sousuke wouldn’t comply. It made him waver, like it always did, but he still didn’t give a reply._

_Makoto brought his hands up to Sousuke’s cheeks rubbing them sweetly and going along his jaw, the way he knew Sousuke liked. Then he kissed him long enough for Sousuke to nibble at his lip for more, but Makoto pulled back in time before their tongues could meet. “Sou…please?”_

_Sousuke huffed in defeat. “Alright, fine.”_ _Makoto cheered and pecked Sousuke on the lips once more. “Just promise me we’ll work it off with some more exercise tonight.” He smirked._

A smile tugged at the corners of Makoto’s lips. It felt odd to feel something genuine again, to feel something other than numb.

            _“How long ‘til we get there?” Sousuke asked._

_“Mm in about ten minutes? Turn left at that light, then we’ll just go straight from there.” Makoto directed._

_“You think the employees will be mad that we’re coming in so late?” Sousuke glanced to Makoto and grinned._

_“Now that you mention it…they might,” Makoto gave a nervous chuckle. “Well we won’t take long since I already know what I want, so it should be fine.”_

_Sousuke quirked his brows. “Yeah? What do you want?”_

_“Forêt noire.”_

_“Fo…what?”_

_Makoto laughed at the look of confusion on Sousuke’s face. “It’s French for black forest.”_

_“And here I thought we were going to eat something fluffy. Didn’t know bark was considered dessert.”_

_Makoto went into a silent laughter, holding his stomach. Sousuke loved when Makoto laughed like that: his eyes closed with crinkles, his eyebrows tilted up in disbelief, and his smile open but covered by his slender fingers. It looked like he was filled with pure happiness and it made Sousuke feel just as happy whenever he made Makoto like that._

_“It’s a chocolate pastry,” Makoto continued to explain when he finished laughing. “Layered with a pie crust as the base, then black cherries in whipped cream, a thin crust, chocolate mousse, and shaved dark chocolate and powdered sugar to top it off.” Makoto turned to Sousuke, “Sounds delicious right?”_

_Sousuke gave him a look of doubt. “I guess.”_

_“Oh c’mon, Sousuke. I know you don’t like sweets, but there’s dark chocolate on it, so if anything you can just eat that part.”_

_“That’s not true.”_

_“Eh? I thought you were okay with eating dark chocolate. You said the bitterness balanced out the sweetness.”_

_“Not that. You said I don’t like sweets.” Makoto looked at him curiously. “I like you don’t I?”_

_Makoto blushed and gently slapped Sousuke’s arm for embarrassing him. He smiled to himself and said, “Geez, Sousuke, when did you get so smooth?”_

_“It’s all in the years of hard work trying to flirt with you and making you blush.”_

The muscles of his face loosened and Makoto smiled wider. He brought Sousuke’s shirt to his eyes and clenched tighter. The familiar scent was barely there. The stretch of his lips felt so strange, but it made his heart beat fast. He could feel his pulse course through the numbness of the rest of his body. And suddenly, a tear falls from his eyes, then another, and another. They wouldn’t stop. He clenched the fabric in his hands, feeling his smile falter. 

_Pitter patter pitter patter. The raindrops were dyed red._

_They were laughing. Sousuke was driving. Makoto was waiting for the ten minutes to pass. And then it was black. When he saw light again, his head felt dizzy and his vision warped. The road was still wet with rain mercilessly pouring down and smoke coming out of the car. The windshield was almost completely broken. Makoto turned slowly beside him. Sousuke was still there. Red rain. No, blood. There was a huge gash on his forehead. He saw Sousuke flutter his eyes open and their eyes meet. Makoto could see his mouth move, but he couldn’t stop staring at the blood that wouldn’t stop flowing and flowing out of Sousuke, how it disappeared up into the short black hair. Up? Oh. They were upside down. The car was upside down. They were just laughing. They were just talking about chocolate._

_There was a truck. It was raining. It was still raining. The truck didn’t stop. The lights were so bright. Makoto saw it come, saw it coming from Sousuke’s side. He shouted for Sousuke. Then there was the sound of glass breaking._

_“Makoto,” he heard Sousuke call. At the sudden realization of the situation, Makoto’s eyes widened and glossed in absolute terror. Seeing this, Sousuke consoled him with gentle shushing. “Hey, hey, it’s going to be okay, Makoto. Everything is going to be okay.” Sousuke reached out to hold Makoto’s hand even though his was trembling and repeated his words, “Everything is going to be okay.”_

_Makoto curled his lips in to keep the tears from falling, but it didn’t work. The hot tears mixed with the blood on his face. Makoto knew. Sousuke knew. They only had an hour at most. They’ve been at enough of these situations to know; though, they were never the ones needing rescue._

           

_Makoto whimpered and Sousuke gave a faint squeeze, the most of which he could do. “Hey, Makoto. Sing for me?”_

_Makoto looked at him confused. Sousuke only grinned softly at him. “It’ll make time go by faster. Please?”_

_Makoto inhaled a shaky breath, tears welling up all over again. He knew what Sousuke was doing. Sousuke didn’t want him to count the seconds of waiting for help because the former knew doing so made Makoto feel even more anxious. Makoto bit his lip as they curved into a deeper frown. He nodded his head and opened his mouth, letting it quiver for a long moment before he sang. His voice was strained, his throat was dry, his sobbing hiccups never let him finish any of the verses, but Sousuke smiled and looked at him as if he was listening to the most beautiful sound in the world._

            Pitter patter pitter patter. The rain knocked louder against his skull.

_Sousuke rubbed his thumb slowly back and forth over Makoto’s knuckle following one rhythmic beat. He never took his eyes off those sad green ones. He couldn’t now or then, since the first time he laid eyes on Makoto._

_“I love you, Makoto.”_

_Makoto stopped singing and his feelings bubbled up again. “Stop. Don’t, Sousuke. Don’t,” he cried, the tears falling down faster. His throat felt tight and his heart ached so hard he didn’t know if he was breathing. The sight of Makoto like this was killing Sousuke inside._

_“I can’t. I gotta keep up the streak of my smooth talk or else I’ll go back to saying things like ‘Your eyes are like grass. Cause you know they’re both green’.” Sousuke tried to grin, but the pain and lightheadedness was making it difficult. He stared at Makoto looking more distraught, realized his joke had failed, but continued trying anyway. “Do you remember?”_

_Makoto let out a mixture of a huff and a cry. “Of course, I remember. That was the day you asked me out for our first date.” For a brief moment, Makoto smiled, making Sousuke grin wider. “At that time, I wasn’t sure if you were complimenting me or insulting me.”_

_Sousuke whispered a breathless chuckle. “I’m sorry I’m not a romantic.”_

_“Don’t be. I love you just the way you are.” Makoto paused as the sadness crept onto his lips again. “I love you, too, Sousuke.”_

Pitter patter pitter patter. Why won’t the rain stop?

_Sousuke squeezed Makoto’s hand again; this time weaker than the first._

_“I want to kiss you,” Sousuke’s voice had gotten quieter, more tired sounding._

_“Then kiss me.” Makoto looked into those teal eyes that seemed to lose glimmer. “You can kiss me after we get out of here. Sousuke, promise me you’ll kiss me.”_

_“Makoto…”_

_And Makoto knew that he was being unfair. He knew Sousuke never broke his promises. Never._

_“Sousuke….please,” he cried in denial. “Promise me.”_

_And for once, Sousuke wasn’t trying to smile. Sousuke let himself frown and feel his own sadness catch up to him, tears bubbling up and words caught in his throat. He didn’t want to die. He didn’t want to leave Makoto. Not like this. Not when he knew how much Makoto would break. Not when he hadn’t shown nearly enough love that Makoto deserved. Not when he wanted to do so much more with Makoto. He wanted to live._

_“Okay, I promise.”_

            _Pitter patter pitter patter. The rain won’t shut up._

            _Makoto watched as Sousuke’s breathing slowed, just like how the world seemed to have slowed down. Everything seemed to blur except for the sound of the rain and Sousuke’s shallow breaths. He squeezed their embraced hands, making Sousuke look at him under lowered lashes. Makoto exhaled in relief. He gazed at Sousuke licking his lips and followed the path of his adam apple when he swallowed, then he saw Sousuke’s tired smile. Sousuke opened his mouth and Makoto waited for him, but the rain wouldn’t stop thundering in his ears, following the same pace as his heart._

_“Makoto.”_

_“Hm?” Makoto tried to sound calm, but again his tears fail him._

_“Just wanted to say your name.”_

_Makoto bit his lip to keep from whimpering again. He nodded and gave a crooked smile. “I’m here.”_

_“Makoto. Tachibana Makoto.”_

_“Mn.”_

_Sousuke closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Yamazaki Makoto or Tachibana Sousuke. Which one would’ve sounded better?”_

_Makoto placed a shaky hand over his mouth to muffle his cry, endless tears flowed over his hand and his nose began to drip. Stop. He didn’t want to hear anymore. He wanted Sousuke to stop talking like he was dying. He wanted time to stop. He wanted to rewind to one hour back. He wanted to have chosen to stay in bed where he’d be safe, where Sousuke would be there and there from then on. He wanted to scream. But his voice wouldn’t come out. All he could do was cry._

_Makoto felt Sousuke’s grip slacken and his eyes went wide. He looked up to Sousuke’s closed eyes waiting for any movement. But there’s none. He squeezed Sousuke’s hand like he did earlier, but there was still nothing._

_“Look at me, Sousuke.”_

_Makoto squeezed harder. “Sousuke…Open your eyes, Sousuke.”_

            Pitter patter pitter patter. The tears won’t stop.

            That night when the ambulance finally arrived, Sousuke’s lips weren’t as warm as they usually were.

            Makoto’s body fell to its side as he cried uncontrollably into the fabric he desperately clutched in his hands. The numbness was gone. His whole body hurt and the small scar on his cheek seemed to ache all the way to his bones. He wept at how alive he felt and how much he hated it. The thoughts that never left him flood back to him. There were so many things left he wanted to say.

            He wanted to say how much Sousuke meant to him, how he’s never loved anyone the same, how beautiful Sousuke was, how he wanted to kiss Sousuke every time he smirked, how Sousuke made him so, so happy, how much he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Sousuke, how it didn’t matter who changed their last name or at all as long as they were together, how much he wanted to say I do.

            And now he never will be.

            “Sousuke.”

            Pitter patter pitter patter.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Happy early Valentine's Day?? haha no, I was going to work on the last chapter of 10 Days but I've been feeling like poop. I had the motivation to write though, so I ended up writing this angsty piece. And god, writing this was terrible because it made me cry. I love soumako ok and I just want them to be happy all the time. So success!! I feel a little better and feel like writing fluff now but I still hate myself for writing this.


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